You Don’t have to be a Perfect Mom

May 11, 2017

Instead of having a perfect mom, your child wants to be loved and for you to do the best you can.

I have contact with and listen to what mothers have to say every week. Moms are amazing!

Mothers give up their own comfort to care for their child. Sometimes moms have a difficult time finding the opportunity for their own sleep or food because they are so focused on their child’s needs.

I hear those mommy hearts in the concerns they express. They want to protect their child from pain or hurt; they suffer if they cannot prevent it. There is a desire to meet each child’s need. It is stressful when the cause of the tears is not apparent. Many mothers are struggling to be the “perfect mom”.

Moms can be very hard on themselves. Yes, it is easy to have “mommy guilt”. Before kids and during pregnancy we all had a vision of what motherhood will look like. In our dream world, our child rarely cries and looks at us with adoring eyes while saying, “Mommy, I love you.” Our child is always obedient and kind to other children. Unlike other peoples kids, our child never bites, hits or takes toys away from other children. We, as parents, are never tired or grouchy and NEVER yell or say a harsh word. Our babies sleep through the night by 10 weeks old. Our toddlers take two hour naps and never fight their bedtime. We are the most patient and loving mom the world has ever seen. We never repeat some of those phrases that we hated to hear from our mother when we were growing up.

Then reality hits when we bring our little one home. When our child doesn’t fit the picture in our head or when we mess up as a mom and do not handle things correctly, we feel guilty and like a failure.

The internet is full of information about what the “perfect mom” looks like. It is difficult for any of us to measure up to those descriptions of a mother. Some of the groups set up to support moms can instead be filled with harsh and judgmental words for any mother who handles parenting different than what someone else in the group approves of.

Yes, being a mom is difficult and you are not going to do it perfectly. That is OK.

Don’t try to be a perfect mom. Instead, be a good mom.These are some of the responses from mothers when I asked them what was their favorite part of being a mother:
– I love the cuddles.
– I love the way my child follows me.
– I love the hugs.
– I love the way my child makes me laugh.
– From the mom of a nine week old baby: “I love the way she started looking at me and I see the sparkle in her eyes and then she smiles at me. It melts my heart.”
– “I love the way my child lights up when I come in the door from work.”

Moms, you are a hero to your child and you do not need to be perfect. Your child loves you the way you are.

Relax.

Enjoy being a mom.

Helping Babies Sleep

Arlene Fryling

Arlene is a registered nurse and certified sleep consultant for children 0-5 years. She has cared for premature, sick, and many healthy babies. For over 15 years she has taught expectant parents how to care for their newborns through classes teaching basic baby care, infant massage classes, and moderating support groups for new moms as they deal with parenting issues.

Infant Tummy Massage to Relieve Gas

To see the complete massage instructional video:

Testimonials

Alix Kron

★★★★★

4 months ago

We cannot say enough positive things about our experience working with Arlene!! We were desperate for sleep, going almost 5.5 months with frequent wake ups, nursing back to sleep, nonstop crying during the day, screaming in the car and becoming more and more hopeless as time went on without having success … Arlene changed all of that within no time. She listened to exactly what was going on for us, developed a sleep plan specific to our daughter’s needs/our goals and was so supportive and answered all of our questions along the way. It was very easy to follow the plan that she developed and it included naps and weaning off of night feedings. We saw a difference in our daughter almost immediately! Arlene has absolutely transformed our lives and given us the ability to enjoy each other and feel so much better getting the sleep we all want and NEED! Our daughter is now sleeping 11-12 hours per night, eating only once overnight as opposed to every 1-2 hours, is on a great nap schedule and is so much happier!!! It’s the best money we’ve spent.

Adrienne G.

★★★★★

2 years ago

We worked with Arlene to sleep train our 22 month old son who had been bed sharing and nursing to sleep. She helped us develop a sleep plan that was specific to our son's needs. It addressed both his nighttime sleep and his naps. It really took the guess work out of the endeavor, because as a parent, even if you read all the sleep books, there are many different opinions and it is hard to know what is right. Arlene was attentive, flexible and available to answer all of our questions and concerns. I would highly recommend working with her! Our son now sleeps 11-12 hours a night and put himself to sleep on his own. Sleep training him has been a game changer for me (I sleep now too!) and for him. He seems well rested and his development seems to be progressing faster now too. His language skills are flourishing since he is getting better rest.

Amanda C

★★★★★

4 years ago

We just wrapped up our second time working with Arlene, and had another great experience! Arlene helped us sleep train our first baby a few years ago when she was 4 months old at the time. She was a terrible sleeper, waking up once every hour and needing to be rocked to sleep for what felt like hours and hours each day. I was a stressed, exhausted, and worried first time mom, and I was drawn to Arlene’s calm and experienced approach. She gave us an option for a gentler strategy that worked for us at the time, and was detailed and responsive in her sleep plan and attentiveness. Our daughter just turned 2.5 years old and is still a great sleeper. So once our second baby turned 4 months recently, we did not hesitate to work with Arlene again. We now have two rockstar sleepers in our household, thanks to Arlene! It means the world to us that she was there to help guide us, instill confidence, and most importantly, help teach our children such a valuable skill they will undoubtedly benefit from for the rest of their lives.

Begoña Cirera

★★★★★

2 years ago

Arlene helped me first with my first son who was 2.5 year old when I hired her. He slept with me during breastfeeding. He never wanted to sleep in his crib. I was due with my second, and I needed better rest, and had no clue how to get him to sleep away from my bed. I even had to sleep w him during naps, or he wouldn’t sleep. I had to walk him for hours to fall asleep every night. It was awful. Two weeks after Arlene helped us create a program for him, he was done!!! He was sleeping in his own room, all night (12+ hours) and he was SO HAPPY during the day. We learned so much, and all made so much sense. After trying methods and books, nothing worked. My son is almost 6, and he falls asleep at 7:30pm every evening, until 7:00am. As a parent, you know how precious those hours are. With my second one, I didn’t make the mistake of waiting until he was two to train him to sleep. By 3 months, we slowly started, with Arlene’s help. I never had to walk him or be there for him to fall asleep. He’s now 3, and he is a great sleeper, much better than his big brother ever was, still takes 90-min naps, and sleeps 11 hours a night. Every penny I spent to hire Arlene’s expertise is worth it. My only regret was not to look for her sooner. Lifesaver, 100%.

Abbey Stidam

★★★★★

6 years ago

Arlene Fryling at Gentle Touch Sleep Time helped our son sleep, which helped us sleep! We were having trouble transitioning our son (4 months at the time) from his rock-n-play to the crib and our amazing sleeper since birth was all of a sudden not sleeping very much. Arlene talked with us about what was going on with his sleep and why the change in his sleep pattern. She answered all our questions and calmed our worries and frustrations. She came up with a sleep plan that worked for our family. She guided us every step of the way. He is now an amazing sleeper again! He is 18 months old and sleeps 12 hours at night and takes a 1 1/2 - 2 hour nap. He loves to sleep and never fights sleeping. I am so thankful we had Arlene Fryling help us and we were able to teach our son to sleep.