Gentle Touch Sleep Time

San Francisco sleep consultant sleep, newborn sleep, pediatric sleep, helping babies sleep, toddlers sleep, bedtime, bedtime routines, SIDS, pediatric sleep, crying, exhausted, Arlene Fryling, Gentle Touch Sleep Time,

PostPartum Depression is Common and Normal

Postpartum depression is more prevalent than we realize. Research says that one out of five new mothers deals with some degree of it. Postpartum depression is common and normal. It is very treatable. It is OK to talk about it.

Many times the birth process and then the nursing and caring for their baby is not quite what the mother imagined. Reality rarely turns out like the envisioned picture in mom’s head during pregnancy. She could be struggling with feelings of disappointment. Life changes dramatically when the new baby arrives. Caring for a baby is non-stop for 24 hours a day, every day.

Some mothers are afraid to admit they feel sad or discouraged or inadequate following the birth of their baby. They think everyone expects them to be happy. It can feel like a huge burden to deal with those feelings while presenting a happy face to others.

Following the birth of a baby, the mother’s body goes through many adjustments. The mother is tired from the birth process and the physical job to care for the baby. Changing hormone levels affect emotions also.  Add the lack of sleep at night and maybe a lack of sunshine from gloomy weather, especially during the winter months, to a new mother’s hormone changes and you have a recipe for depression.

Some, but not all of the symptoms of postpartum depression are:
sadness
hopelessness
guilt
feeling overwhelmed
becoming easily frustrated
low or no energy
inability to be comforted

If mom is having thoughts of hurting herself or the baby: seek help immediately.

Treatment for mild postpartum depression:
1.) Exposure to sunlight improves mild postpartum depression. A walk around the block improves the mood of a tired new mom. Exposing the eyes to daylight, even on a cloudy day, helps reset the body’s clock. It affects the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone. This will help the baby and mom sleep better.

2) Newborn sleep is disorganized and changes every day during the first twelve weeks. Between the short sleep times and the frequent feedings, it is challenging for mom to get the rest she needs. Encourage family members or friends to give mom an opportunity to sleep. It is much easier for her to cope when rested.

3) Support is beneficial to new moms. There is a significant decrease in postpartum depression if the mother has at least one support person in her life on a daily or weekly basis. It is helpful to find a mother and baby support group to be able to talk about all the issues of caring for a new baby or to connect with other new mothers. Many hospitals provide mother and baby support groups.

Moms, don’t be afraid to tell your support persons what your needs are. Many people want to help you but do not know how to do that. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. You need to be cared for so you can care for your baby. If you are feeling sadness and depression, it is not your fault. Please do not blame yourself. It is treatable.

Support people, make sure you check on how mom is feeling and watch mom for signs of stress. Ask mom, “How are you doing?” “How are you really feeling?” “It is OK to feel you can’t handle everything right now.”

If the feelings of depression continue longer than two weeks or get worse, it is important to talk to your doctor. Sometimes medication is used temporarily for the treatment of postpartum depression. You can find help where you live.

I work with families to help them get the maximum amount of sleep during those early newborn days and beyond. A baby that sleeps well is a happier baby, which leads to a well-rested and happier mother.

Helping Babies Sleep 

Make Bedtime Early for Your Child

I recently had a dad tell me that he likes to keep his 4 year old son up to watch movies with him on the weekend until 11 or 12 PM.

A store employee told me about her frustration with parents in the store at 9 PM with children who are crying or running up and down the aisles yelling.

blog11Should a child who is older than 4 months have the same bedtime as the adult?      No

Each child needs their own bedtime from the age of 4 months. Children require more sleep than adults do. The growing body and brain need more hours of sleep for all the learning and development to happen.

At four months children are going to need about 14 hours of sleep per day. Three to five-year old children need 11 to 13 hours of sleep. School-age children continue to need 10 to 12 hours of sleep each night.

The early bedtime allows a child will receive the correct amount of sleep their body needs. A well-rested child is able to  learn and retain that learning.  Lack of sleep makes it difficult for a child to control their behavior, impulses and emotions. Sleep deprivation leads to behavior problems.

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The sleep clock of a child is biologically set for an early bedtime. Sleep that is in sync with the body clock will restore and reset the body and brain. A consistent bedtime supports the body clock. The child will feel tired at bedtime and anticipate sleep. When you follow a regular routine and time for sleep the child will want to sleep rather than fighting it

Late bedtime leads to high Cortisol levels.

A late bedtime misses the body clock time when the body was preparing for sleep. The body temperature drops and chemical changes happen in the body at the correct time to sleep. If sleep does not happen when the body was preparing, the body responds by releasing Cortisol. Cortisol is a stimulant and wakes the child up.  Cortisol in an overtired child looks like they “received a second wind”. They become “hyper” and tend to run around and act out of control. The child will misbehave, whine, and be irritable. Children are prone to injury because their skills and judgement are impaired while in that overtired state. Research shows lack of adequate sleep “has been associated with increased levels of impulsivity, peer victimization, and social inhibition in kindergarten children. ” The high level of cortisol makes sleep difficult for the child. Cortisol stimulants the child to stay active and moving, the opposite of going to sleep.  It will cause the child to  wake up frequently during the night and  wake early in the morning. The elevated cortisol level interferes with sleep at every stage of the sleep process.

A chronically overtired child has a chronic high cortisol level. Depending on the extent of the over tiredness, it may take days or weeks to correct their lack of sleep. This chronic condition leads to behavior problems, learning difficulties and  various health issues. Adequate sleep is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

I worked with one family with a two year old going to bed at 10 PM, waking many times during the night and refusing naps. It was challenging to talk with the parents because the child was running, jumping on furniture and making a lot of noise. I coached the parents to help their son get the sleep he desperately needed. When I returned to their house a few weeks later he seemed like a different child. This time the only interruptions were hugs from him while I was talking with his parents. Their little guy was enjoyable to be around. Correct sleep turned him into an amazing little boy.

An early bedtime leads to a happier, well-rested child.

The solution is to chose a bedtime according to the child’s age and make that bedtime consistent and a priority in your life.

Helping Babies Sleep

Baby Number Two

Exciting News! You are going to have another baby!

As a second-time parent you probably have a lot of emotions about having another child. You are not alone, your number one child is going to have a lot of thoughts, feelings and emotions about becoming a sibling. Those emotions for your child might be happy, excited, scared, or even angry. How can you prevent sibling rivalry?

Wikipedia defines #sibling rivalry as:
Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among siblings, whether blood related or not.

I heard one pediatrician say that if you have two or more children in a family, you have sibling rivalry.

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Child number one might be excited about becoming the “Big Brother” or the “Big Sister”. At the same time child number one might be confused about what this is going to mean in his/her life.
Will mom and dad still love me?
Do I have to share my toys or my room or my bed?
Will mom and dad still play with me?
How long will this baby stay?

My two-year old daughter went on a “hunger strike”, refusing to eat when her brother was 3 weeks old and she finally understood that he was not leaving.

Another daughter, at age five, said about our new baby, “I don’t get what the big deal is about babies. Why does everyone want to see the baby?”

Sometimes our children do not know how to deal with the confusing feelings they are experiencing. They love that little baby, but the baby also feels like competition.

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It is a huge adjustment for child number one. We cannot shield or protect our children from having strong feelings and emotions. Our children are going to have conflicting feelings about their sibling for the rest of their life. There will be times of great love for their sibling and there will be times of jealousy, resentment and competition. It is part of being a sibling.
Our job as parents is to teach our children how to deal with those feelings and emotions. Yes, we want our children to love each other, but we need to acknowledge and not be afraid of their feelings about their sibling – positive or negative.

As parents, we set the tone for the siblings. Do not encourage competition between siblings. Do not compare your children. Each child is unique from the other. Emphasize that your whole family is a team. Each member is important to make the team function well. Express how proud you are of the older child and what they can do.

Teach number one child to embrace being older and the benefits that come with being older. An older child has the privilege of “big kid” toys, being a “helper”, having a special activity or game with mom and/or dad.
Reassure your child of your love. As it has been said, parents don’t divide their love; they multiply it. Tell your child that you have enough love for each of your children and will love child number one always. Don’t forget to give lots of hugs and kisses.

Sibling relationships teach important skills for dealing with people throughout life. Siblings learn how to deal with someone they don’t agree with, how to share with others and how to wait your turn while someone else has their needs met. Siblings learn that other people have feelings and wants and needs. Sibling relationships are a great place for children to learn to love, care for and stand up for each other.

If you need help putting siblings into the same room or transferring a child from the crib to a bed, contact me for a 15-minute “Get Acquainted” call to discuss how I can help you.