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Gentle Touch Sleep Time

San Francisco sleep consultant sleep, newborn sleep, pediatric sleep, helping babies sleep, toddlers sleep, bedtime, bedtime routines, SIDS, pediatric sleep, crying, exhausted, Arlene Fryling, Gentle Touch Sleep Time,

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September 10, 2020

Parent Emotions and Sleep Training

Stressed parents putting baby to sleep
Stressed bedtime with baby

Sleep training is emotional for parents. The goal of sleep training is for a child to learn to go from awake to asleep without any assistance. This is a skill each child will need to learn because it is a skill for life. For parents, it is often difficult to watch your child trying to learn how to sleep.

Every skill that a child learns takes time and practice. If a child is attempting to learn the skill of rolling over, the child will practice and try and try again until they reach success. The learning process is difficult and challenging for the child. You probably didn’t realize there were so many steps to rolling over until you watched your child attempt the feat. 

With practice, each child makes rolling over look easy. 

Learning the skill of sleep is also difficult and challenging in the beginning. The child must practice and try and try again until they reach success. Watching this process causes emotions in parents. Sleep looks very difficult at first but as the child’s skills improve, sleep looks easy. 

When a parent sees that their child has a need, the good parent wants to help. Every parent feels like a successful parent when they can fix their child’s problem. 

An example is when a baby is hungry, the parent feeds the child and the child is content. It feels good to meet the needs of their child.

Most parents want to solve the problems of their children.

Unfortunately, every parent is limited. No parent has the ability to solve and fix every need of their child. There are some things each child must learn to do for themself. For example, when a child is trying to walk, the parent cannot walk for the child. The parent can put things in place to assist the child in learning but the child must accomplish the actual skill of walking. 

Sleep is the same way. At some point, each child must learn how to go to sleep without assistance. The parent is not capable of doing that job for the child indefinitely. Usually the older the child gets the more difficult it gets for the parent to put the child to sleep. 

The challenge is that it is difficult to watch your child struggle to learn a new skill of sleep. Most parents want to step in and fix it for their child. This is an emotional struggle for parents during sleep training.

When I work with parents during sleep training, I recommend parents deal with their own very real emotions but do so away from their child. 

Children learn from the time they are newborns to read their parents like a book. The child looks to the parent and reads the parent for how to handle life and every new situation. Children pick up the emotions of their parents. When a parent is stressed or frustrated, the child reads that and it increases the child’s stress. 

“From birth, infants pick up on emotional cues from others. Even very young infants look to caregivers to determine how to react to a given situation,” says Jennifer E. Lansford, Ph.D., a professor with the Social Science Research Institute and the Center for Child and Family Policy at Duke University.

During sleep training, the child is reading the parent on how to handle their sleep-learning process. It is important for the child to read calmness and confidence in their parents. The child will draw upon that confidence to try and learn their own skill of sleep. 

When parents are trying to help their child learn to walk, they frequently situate one parent to help the child stand and the other parent holds out their hands and encourages the child to take some steps. The parents are trying to give confidence to the child, to help that child take those first steps. The child pulls upon the parent’s confidence to learn this new skill. 

I tell the parents that I work with to portray that same confidence to their child to help learn the skill of sleep. 

While working with many families to help them sleep train their children I have seen that the attitude and emotions of the parents make a huge difference in the ability of the child to learn. When parents approach the process with confidence and calmness, the child feels the support to learn. When the parent is very stressed about the process, usually the child has great difficulty learning. 

Parents’ emotions are real and very important. Those emotions should not be denied or ignored. It is important to deal with those emotions so that the parent can portray calmness and confidence to their child. 

How to deal with parent emotions during sleep training 

  1. Acknowledge your feelings. Feelings are not good or bad. We all have feelings. We cannot control our feelings, but we can decide if we are going to allow our feelings to control our behavior.
  2. Understand clearly what your goal is. You should know what you want your child to learn.
  3. Have a plan on how to help your child learn. If you plan to sleep train, it is important to find a plan that is going to work for you. As a sleep consultant, I tailor a customized plan for your child.
  4. Make sure you have someone to give you emotional support through the training process. The parent(s) doing the sleep training is/are going to be emotionally and physically exhausted. It is important to have the other parent or at least one other adult who is able to give you the emotional support you need while going through the process. That allows you to give your child the support needed to learn. As a sleep consultant, I provide additional emotional support and answer questions for the parents to help them get to success.

I think of sleep as a skill each child needs to learn. The process of learning a skill is dramatic, looks messy, and requires lots of practice. Sleep training is an emotional process for parents. The rewards of the child learning the skill of sleep are amazing. As a sleep consultant, I work to build the confidence of parents so that they can give the confidence to help their child learn.

Helping Babies Sleep 

Article by admin / Blog, Uncategorized / child sleep, parent emotions, sleep training

March 20, 2020

Survive Work From Home With Children

Coronavirus fears are everywhere. Life feels upside down and crazy right now. Many families are confined to their houses.

How can you survive and thrive while working at home with children?

working from home with children
Frustrated young mother having a business phone call with a crying baby next to her

 Five Tips to Survive Work From Home with Children

   1. Follow a consistent schedule

Our body works best on a schedule of food or sleep happening at similar times each day. Without the demands of a scheduled work/school day, it is easy to become relaxed about meals or sleep times. But everyone’s mental and physical health is better when it stays on a schedule. Maintain a regular morning wake time and breakfast. Don’t give in to the go-to bed late and wake-up-whenever desire. (Most babies and toddlers will not let you do that anyway.)

Even if you are going to be stuck in the house all day, get dressed in daytime clothes. It helps everyone separate daytime and nighttime.

For babies and toddlers, follow the regular nap routine. Maintain a consistent bedtime each night. When your child goes to bed at the same time each night, their body anticipates sleep which makes bedtime a much easier process. It sounds tempting to relax bedtime and let your child stay up later. But, usually, children will still wake at the same time in the morning. It just means they will receive less sleep.

It is easier to schedule your work hours if your child has a consistent schedule. Naptime is a good time to schedule those work calls and/or meetings. Your child’s consistent bedtimes provides more uninterrupted work hours for you.

2. Go outdoors

Our body functions on a circadian rhythm of almost 24 hours. It is important for everyone to have at least twenty minutes of outdoor light every day to help reset our body clock. Time outside improves the mood of a cranky baby, energetic toddler or overwhelmed parent. This is a great opportunity for a walk around the block or enjoying your yard or deck. The sights and sounds of the outdoors are entertaining for babies. The outdoors provides many things for toddlers to explore or get out their energy with running and jumping.

3. Early bedtime

Children’s bodies are programmed to receive the best sleep in the early portion of the night. That is biological and we cannot change it. If a small child has a late bedtime, such as 9 PM, that child will miss the deeper and longer sleep cycles which would have happened in the earlier part of the evening. Missing that restorative early evening sleep leads to an overtired child regardless of the length of the night’s sleep. Children require an early bedtime. An added benefit of that early bedtime for children is a relaxing evening for parents to enjoy. That is good for everyone!

The bedtime for babies after 4 months is between 5 PM and 7 PM. Toddler’s bedtime is between 7 and 7:30 pm.

What is the best bedtime per age of the child.
Bedtime for Children

4. Enjoy your child

Yes, it can be challenging to try and juggle working from home and caring for your child at the same time. Keep in mind that this is also an opportunity to have more time with your child, especially if you normally have a long workday plus commute time. Play games or with toys with your toddler. Laugh and be silly with your child. Get in those extra snuggles and cuddles.

5. If you are feeling overwhelmed

Parenting is normally challenging and stressful. During unusual circumstances, it can be even more challenging and stressful. Children and parents can get grumpy and annoyed with each other. We all have a breaking point. It is OK to ask for help from the other parent, another family member, friend, neighbor or a community helpline. It is not a weakness to need help. You are a wise parent if you recognize you are at the end of your ability to cope and need help. Sometimes just talking to another adult can give you hope and the strength to keep going.

If you need help, I am here for a 15 or 30 minute Q&A to ask me anything or for a sleep consult. If you have been thinking about sleep training, this is a perfect time to work on it when you are home all the time. Healthy sleep improves the immune system and makes everyone feel better.

www.GentleTouchSleepTime.com

Article by admin / Blog, Uncategorized / children, sleep, work from home

August 27, 2019

Toddlers Want To Sleep

toddler loves to sleep

This week I saw a little two-year-old ask her mom if she could “go nap”. She went happily to her bed, snuggled up with her blanket and favorite stuffed animal. She slept for 2 hours and woke up happy and smiling!

Our toddlers want to sleep. It feels amazing to be well-rested. 

Our children love to wake up full of energy and happy. Having enough sleep is an amazing feeling and well-rested children learn to love it.

Yes, it is possible to have a child ask for sleep. It shows the child has begun to recognize the feeling of being tired and that the solution is sleep. What a joy to have a two-year-old that asks for a nap instead of a two-year-old that screams and fights a nap or bedtime.

Dealing with life is difficult while feeling tired.

Children (and adults) become grumpy when they are tired. Toddler emotions are big and challenging for every toddler to manage. If you are the parent of a two-year-old you have seen your child throw a temper tantrum or have a “meltdown”. Those big toddler emotions are much more difficult for a tired child to control. A tired toddler is miserable and makes sure everyone knows it. Toddlers want to sleep to make them feel happy.

How do you get a well-rested child who willingly goes to bed?

   1.Timing

The timing of sleep is very important. We all have a body clock which is set by the sun. There are times the body prepares for sleep and times the body prepares for awake time. The body prepares through chemical and temperature changes. Sleep is much easier when it is connected with the body preparation. Sleep connected with the body clock does a better job of restoring the body and brain. This sleep is more refreshing and restorative.

When sleep follows a similar schedule each day, the body begins to anticipate sleep. If you have a regular bedtime for your toddler of 7 PM; their body will begin to anticipate sleep at 7 PM. This helps the toddler be ready for sleep instead of fighting bedtime.

   2. Place

Motion sleep in the car or stroller keeps the child in light sleep. It prevents the deep, restorative sleep. Sleep is more restorative when the child is sleeping in their bed. They have the freedom to position and move their body to find what is comfortable when in their bed.

The sleep environment should contribute to sleep. I recommend a dark place for sleep because it contributes to the release of the “go to sleep” hormones. It is helpful to have white noise. The familiar sound becomes associated in their brain with sleep. Plus the white noise helps to block out other sounds which might wake your child.

  3. Process

We are all creatures of habit. We need a familiar process to prepare for sleep. It sends a message to our bodies that it is time to sleep. I encourage a specific routine before bedtime and a shorter routine prior to naps.

It is good to have a calming time prior to sleep. Don’t expect your child to go from running and jumping straight to sleeping.

Turn off all screens at least 30 minutes before sleep. The blue lights from screens wake up the brain.  The body and brain need some preparation for sleep.

4. Teach

Sleep is a skill for children to learn. Each child needs to learn to go from the awake state to the sleep state without assistance. Learning to manage their own sleep is a necessary skill for life. Your assistance to put your child to sleep is not sustainable.

Rock a child to sleep and they will sleep for an hour but teach a child to sleep and they will sleep all night.

Toddlers want to sleep. It helps them feel independent when they can go to sleep without assistance and continue their sleep through the night.

Helping Babies Sleep

Article by admin / Blog, Uncategorized / child sleep, rock to sleep, tired child, toddler sleep

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Testimonials

He is sleeping so much better now and is way happier than ever!

5 month old who had been sleeping in the swing:

Thank you again, Arlene, for helping me with my son, he is sleeping so much better now and is way happier than ever! He actually doesn't even whine anymore when I put him down. He will talk, and play with his feet, and I've noticed that he will Squish his nose and face against the bed to put himself to sleep.
Gentle Touch Sleep Time Child Sleep Consultant Services
2014-10-21T16:35:59-07:00
5 month old who had been sleeping in the swing: Thank you again, Arlene, for helping me with my son, he is sleeping so much better now and is way happier than ever! He actually doesn't even whine anymore when I put him down. He will talk, and play with his feet, and I've noticed that he will Squish his nose and face against the bed to put himself to sleep.
https://www.gentletouchsleeptime.com/testimonials/he-is-sleeping-so-much-better-now-and-is-way-happier-than-ever/

From waking up 3-4 times per night to sleeping 11 hours!

When our 8 month old daughter, Claire, was still waking up 3 to 4 times a night, we knew we needed help.  Thankfully, we contacted Arlene at Gentle Touch Sleep Time, who not only developed a detailed sleep plan for us, but shared some small changes we could implement during the day to help with night time sleep.  We followed the plan and made the changes to our baby's schedule, while Arlene emailed us daily with suggestions and support.  Her insight and experience were invaluable.  By the end of the first week, Claire was only waking once, and by the end of the second week, she was sleeping 11 straight hours!  I highly recommend purchasing a package today.  You deserve a good nights sleep, and so does your baby.

Gabriella

Gentle Touch Sleep Time Child Sleep Consultant Services
2014-12-09T10:32:11-08:00

Gabriella

When our 8 month old daughter, Claire, was still waking up 3 to 4 times a night, we knew we needed help.  Thankfully, we contacted Arlene at Gentle Touch Sleep Time, who not only developed a detailed sleep plan for us, but shared some small changes we could implement during the day to help with night time sleep.  We followed the plan and made the changes to our baby's schedule, while Arlene emailed us daily with suggestions and support.  Her insight and experience were invaluable.  By the end of the first week, Claire was only waking once, and by the end of the second week, she was sleeping 11 straight hours!  I highly recommend purchasing a package today.  You deserve a good nights sleep, and so does your baby.
https://www.gentletouchsleeptime.com/testimonials/from-waking-up-3-4-times-per-night-to-sleeping-11-hours/

Gentle Touch Sleep Time truly helped me go from “surviving” the first few months of my baby’s life to “enjoying” them.

I loved every minute of it and I think it would have taken me a lot longer to get to this point if it hadn’t been for Arlene. Thank you so much!

Sue, mother of Jeannie, age 7 months

Gentle Touch Sleep Time Child Sleep Consultant Services
2015-09-01T14:18:03-07:00

Sue, mother of Jeannie, age 7 months

I loved every minute of it and I think it would have taken me a lot longer to get to this point if it hadn’t been for Arlene. Thank you so much!
https://www.gentletouchsleeptime.com/testimonials/gentle-touch-sleep-time-truly-helped-me-go-from-surviving-the-first-few-months-of-my-babys-life-to-enjoying-them/

Your guidance will be worth every penny!

6 month old:

Mina is very happy! My husband and I are VERY happy! I feel like I have gotten my life back; I have the energy to read, make dinner, and talk to my husband about things other than sleep :). We are much more relaxed. It was challenging to let her cry at the beginning, but  there is a lot less crying and a lot more sleeping happening now for ALL of us. I hope we can keep up the sleep momentum; if not, I know who to call!

Lynde, Sang, & Mina

Gentle Touch Sleep Time Child Sleep Consultant Services
2014-10-21T16:33:12-07:00

Lynde, Sang, & Mina

6 month old: Mina is very happy! My husband and I are VERY happy! I feel like I have gotten my life back; I have the energy to read, make dinner, and talk to my husband about things other than sleep :). We are much more relaxed. It was challenging to let her cry at the beginning, but  there is a lot less crying and a lot more sleeping happening now for ALL of us. I hope we can keep up the sleep momentum; if not, I know who to call!
https://www.gentletouchsleeptime.com/testimonials/your-guidance-will-be-worth-every-penny/

As a family we are all sleeping so much better now and it is all thanks to Arlene.

9 month old:

Working with Arlene was such a wonderful experience, she is very knowledgable and showed so much patience and support while we were trying to establish better sleep habits for our 9-month old daughter. The sleep plan Arlene prescribed was reasonable and easy to follow and after two weeks our daughter went from waking up 2-3 times a night to sleeping from 6:00pm to 7:00am the next morning. We cannot thank Arlene enough for her insight and guiding us through this process.

The Buncab Family

Gentle Touch Sleep Time Child Sleep Consultant Services
2014-10-21T16:35:13-07:00

The Buncab Family

9 month old: Working with Arlene was such a wonderful experience, she is very knowledgable and showed so much patience and support while we were trying to establish better sleep habits for our 9-month old daughter. The sleep plan Arlene prescribed was reasonable and easy to follow and after two weeks our daughter went from waking up 2-3 times a night to sleeping from 6:00pm to 7:00am the next morning. We cannot thank Arlene enough for her insight and guiding us through this process.
https://www.gentletouchsleeptime.com/testimonials/as-a-family-we-are-all-sleeping-so-much-better-now-and-it-is-all-thanks-to-arlene/
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