Gentle Touch Sleep Time

San Francisco sleep consultant sleep, newborn sleep, pediatric sleep, helping babies sleep, toddlers sleep, bedtime, bedtime routines, SIDS, pediatric sleep, crying, exhausted, Arlene Fryling, Gentle Touch Sleep Time,

Make Bedtime Early for Your Child

I recently had a dad tell me that he likes to keep his 4 year old son up to watch movies with him on the weekend until 11 or 12 PM.

A store employee told me about her frustration with parents in the store at 9 PM with children who are crying or running up and down the aisles yelling.

blog11Should a child who is older than 4 months have the same bedtime as the adult?      No

Each child needs their own bedtime from the age of 4 months. Children require more sleep than adults do. The growing body and brain need more hours of sleep for all the learning and development to happen.

At four months children are going to need about 14 hours of sleep per day. Three to five-year old children need 11 to 13 hours of sleep. School-age children continue to need 10 to 12 hours of sleep each night.

The early bedtime allows a child will receive the correct amount of sleep their body needs. A well-rested child is able to  learn and retain that learning.  Lack of sleep makes it difficult for a child to control their behavior, impulses and emotions. Sleep deprivation leads to behavior problems.

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The sleep clock of a child is biologically set for an early bedtime. Sleep that is in sync with the body clock will restore and reset the body and brain. A consistent bedtime supports the body clock. The child will feel tired at bedtime and anticipate sleep. When you follow a regular routine and time for sleep the child will want to sleep rather than fighting it

Late bedtime leads to high Cortisol levels.

A late bedtime misses the body clock time when the body was preparing for sleep. The body temperature drops and chemical changes happen in the body at the correct time to sleep. If sleep does not happen when the body was preparing, the body responds by releasing Cortisol. Cortisol is a stimulant and wakes the child up.  Cortisol in an overtired child looks like they “received a second wind”. They become “hyper” and tend to run around and act out of control. The child will misbehave, whine, and be irritable. Children are prone to injury because their skills and judgement are impaired while in that overtired state. Research shows lack of adequate sleep “has been associated with increased levels of impulsivity, peer victimization, and social inhibition in kindergarten children. ” The high level of cortisol makes sleep difficult for the child. Cortisol stimulants the child to stay active and moving, the opposite of going to sleep.  It will cause the child to  wake up frequently during the night and  wake early in the morning. The elevated cortisol level interferes with sleep at every stage of the sleep process.

A chronically overtired child has a chronic high cortisol level. Depending on the extent of the over tiredness, it may take days or weeks to correct their lack of sleep. This chronic condition leads to behavior problems, learning difficulties and  various health issues. Adequate sleep is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

I worked with one family with a two year old going to bed at 10 PM, waking many times during the night and refusing naps. It was challenging to talk with the parents because the child was running, jumping on furniture and making a lot of noise. I coached the parents to help their son get the sleep he desperately needed. When I returned to their house a few weeks later he seemed like a different child. This time the only interruptions were hugs from him while I was talking with his parents. Their little guy was enjoyable to be around. Correct sleep turned him into an amazing little boy.

An early bedtime leads to a happier, well-rested child.

The solution is to chose a bedtime according to the child’s age and make that bedtime consistent and a priority in your life.

Helping Babies Sleep

Baby Number Two

Exciting News! You are going to have another baby!

As a second-time parent you probably have a lot of emotions about having another child. You are not alone, your number one child is going to have a lot of thoughts, feelings and emotions about becoming a sibling. Those emotions for your child might be happy, excited, scared, or even angry. How can you prevent sibling rivalry?

Wikipedia defines #sibling rivalry as:
Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among siblings, whether blood related or not.

I heard one pediatrician say that if you have two or more children in a family, you have sibling rivalry.

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Child number one might be excited about becoming the “Big Brother” or the “Big Sister”. At the same time child number one might be confused about what this is going to mean in his/her life.
Will mom and dad still love me?
Do I have to share my toys or my room or my bed?
Will mom and dad still play with me?
How long will this baby stay?

My two-year old daughter went on a “hunger strike”, refusing to eat when her brother was 3 weeks old and she finally understood that he was not leaving.

Another daughter, at age five, said about our new baby, “I don’t get what the big deal is about babies. Why does everyone want to see the baby?”

Sometimes our children do not know how to deal with the confusing feelings they are experiencing. They love that little baby, but the baby also feels like competition.

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It is a huge adjustment for child number one. We cannot shield or protect our children from having strong feelings and emotions. Our children are going to have conflicting feelings about their sibling for the rest of their life. There will be times of great love for their sibling and there will be times of jealousy, resentment and competition. It is part of being a sibling.
Our job as parents is to teach our children how to deal with those feelings and emotions. Yes, we want our children to love each other, but we need to acknowledge and not be afraid of their feelings about their sibling – positive or negative.

As parents, we set the tone for the siblings. Do not encourage competition between siblings. Do not compare your children. Each child is unique from the other. Emphasize that your whole family is a team. Each member is important to make the team function well. Express how proud you are of the older child and what they can do.

Teach number one child to embrace being older and the benefits that come with being older. An older child has the privilege of “big kid” toys, being a “helper”, having a special activity or game with mom and/or dad.
Reassure your child of your love. As it has been said, parents don’t divide their love; they multiply it. Tell your child that you have enough love for each of your children and will love child number one always. Don’t forget to give lots of hugs and kisses.

Sibling relationships teach important skills for dealing with people throughout life. Siblings learn how to deal with someone they don’t agree with, how to share with others and how to wait your turn while someone else has their needs met. Siblings learn that other people have feelings and wants and needs. Sibling relationships are a great place for children to learn to love, care for and stand up for each other.

If you need help putting siblings into the same room or transferring a child from the crib to a bed, contact me for a 15-minute “Get Acquainted” call to discuss how I can help you.

Baby Will Not Sleep

A frequent question parents ask me is: “Why won’t my baby sleep?” 

The number one reason is the baby or toddler does not know how to sleep. Children must learn many skills after they are born. Sleep is a skill they need to learn.

A newborn baby does not know how to get themselves to sleep. The newborn will cry when tired. They need someone to help them get from the awake state to the sleep state. Around the age of three months, babies learn how to control their hands and bring those hands up to their mouth. Prior to that it is random when they are able to get those hands into their mouth or if they will hit themselves with those hands instead. The ability to get their hands in their mouth is the beginning of the ability to calm themselves. That is an important milestone.

At four months major sleep development happens in the baby’s body and brain. The disorganized light sleep of a newborn changes to sleep cycles similar to adults. The important learning curve for each baby is to learn how to connect those sleep cycles. When a baby has the skill to connect sleep cycles, they are able to sleep through the night. Without that skill, a baby will wake up in between each sleep cycle and cry for help to get back to sleep. In portions of the night a baby might be waking up every hour. Frequent wakings are frustrating and exhausting for parents and babies .

How does a baby learn the skill of sleep?

Parents sometimes accidentally sabotage a baby trying to learn the skill of sleep. Loving parents want to help their child. When a child is frustrated about the inability to sleep, the parent might try to help the child by rocking, bouncing, walking, nursing or holding. All of those parent help attempts might work in the moment but they prevent the child learning their own skills.

I recently worked with a mom who was walking and patting her nine month old to help her sleep. As soon as she laid her little girl in her crib, the child began to scream. So mom would pick her up and walk and pat some more until she was asleep. Mom would again attempt to lay her down. After several tries there might be success for another hour of sleep before the process repeated. The result was a very tired mother and a baby that didn’t feel rested either.

There is a better way to get baby sleeping through the night. The words “Sleep Training” are often used to describe the process of a child learning to go from the awake state to sleeping without assistance.

What is the best way to sleep train?

1)  There are books to read or lots of information on the internet to tell you how to sleep train a child. Some parents are able to use that advice and teach their child to sleep. Some parents feel overwhelmed and confused after reading all that information. One mom contacted me because she was totally confused after reading everything she could on the internet. She said, “I don’t know what would work for my baby.”

2) Some parents use trial and error to sleep train their child. I tried that with my daughter. I tried one method for a few days and then when it did not seem to be going well, I tried another method. It was difficult to be consistent when I was not really sure if I was doing the correct thing for my child.

The biggest mistake is to quit sleep training after a few days due to not seeing immediate results.

3) Some parents hire a professional sleep consultant.

 

  • A sleep consultant will help find a sleep training method  that fits your child’s temperament and your parenting style.
  • A sleep consultant will write a specific sleep plan to give guidance on how to work with your child. Consistency is the key to success in sleep training. It is very difficult to stay consistent when you do not have a plan to follow.
    • A sleep plan should include four parts:
      • what to do at bedtime
      • how to deal with middle of the night wakings
      • timing of sleep
      • the timing and length of naps
  • A sleep consultant will answer any questions, give support and encouragement to help the parent reach their sleep goals.

Learning the skill of sleep leads to a well rested child. Setting good sleep habits is beneficial for health, development and happiness.