Baby Number Two

July 24, 2018

Exciting News! You are going to have another baby!

As a second-time parent you probably have a lot of emotions about having another child. You are not alone, your number one child is going to have a lot of thoughts, feelings and emotions about becoming a sibling. Those emotions for your child might be happy, excited, scared, or even angry. How can you prevent sibling rivalry?

Wikipedia defines #sibling rivalry as:
Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among siblings, whether blood related or not.

I heard one pediatrician say that if you have two or more children in a family, you have sibling rivalry.

Child number one might be excited about becoming the “Big Brother” or the “Big Sister”. At the same time child number one might be confused about what this is going to mean in his/her life.
Will mom and dad still love me?
Do I have to share my toys or my room or my bed?
Will mom and dad still play with me?
How long will this baby stay?

My two-year old daughter went on a “hunger strike”, refusing to eat when her brother was 3 weeks old and she finally understood that he was not leaving.

Another daughter, at age five, said about our new baby, “I don’t get what the big deal is about babies. Why does everyone want to see the baby?”

Sometimes our children do not know how to deal with the confusing feelings they are experiencing. They love that little baby, but the baby also feels like competition.

It is a huge adjustment for child number one. We cannot shield or protect our children from having strong feelings and emotions. Our children are going to have conflicting feelings about their sibling for the rest of their life. There will be times of great love for their sibling and there will be times of jealousy, resentment and competition. It is part of being a sibling.
Our job as parents is to teach our children how to deal with those feelings and emotions. Yes, we want our children to love each other, but we need to acknowledge and not be afraid of their feelings about their sibling – positive or negative.

As parents, we set the tone for the siblings. Do not encourage competition between siblings. Do not compare your children. Each child is unique from the other. Emphasize that your whole family is a team. Each member is important to make the team function well. Express how proud you are of the older child and what they can do.

Teach number one child to embrace being older and the benefits that come with being older. An older child has the privilege of “big kid” toys, being a “helper”, having a special activity or game with mom and/or dad.
Reassure your child of your love. As it has been said, parents don’t divide their love; they multiply it. Tell your child that you have enough love for each of your children and will love child number one always. Don’t forget to give lots of hugs and kisses.

Sibling relationships teach important skills for dealing with people throughout life. Siblings learn how to deal with someone they don’t agree with, how to share with others and how to wait your turn while someone else has their needs met. Siblings learn that other people have feelings and wants and needs. Sibling relationships are a great place for children to learn to love, care for and stand up for each other.

If you need help putting siblings into the same room or transferring a child from the crib to a bed, contact me for a 15-minute “Get Acquainted” call to discuss how I can help you.

Arlene Fryling

Arlene is a registered nurse and certified sleep consultant for children 0-5 years. She has cared for premature, sick, and many healthy babies. For over 15 years she has taught expectant parents how to care for their newborns through classes teaching basic baby care, infant massage classes, and moderating support groups for new moms as they deal with parenting issues.

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Testimonials

Alix Kron

★★★★★

4 months ago

We cannot say enough positive things about our experience working with Arlene!! We were desperate for sleep, going almost 5.5 months with frequent wake ups, nursing back to sleep, nonstop crying during the day, screaming in the car and becoming more and more hopeless as time went on without having success … Arlene changed all of that within no time. She listened to exactly what was going on for us, developed a sleep plan specific to our daughter’s needs/our goals and was so supportive and answered all of our questions along the way. It was very easy to follow the plan that she developed and it included naps and weaning off of night feedings. We saw a difference in our daughter almost immediately! Arlene has absolutely transformed our lives and given us the ability to enjoy each other and feel so much better getting the sleep we all want and NEED! Our daughter is now sleeping 11-12 hours per night, eating only once overnight as opposed to every 1-2 hours, is on a great nap schedule and is so much happier!!! It’s the best money we’ve spent.

Adrienne G.

★★★★★

2 years ago

We worked with Arlene to sleep train our 22 month old son who had been bed sharing and nursing to sleep. She helped us develop a sleep plan that was specific to our son's needs. It addressed both his nighttime sleep and his naps. It really took the guess work out of the endeavor, because as a parent, even if you read all the sleep books, there are many different opinions and it is hard to know what is right. Arlene was attentive, flexible and available to answer all of our questions and concerns. I would highly recommend working with her! Our son now sleeps 11-12 hours a night and put himself to sleep on his own. Sleep training him has been a game changer for me (I sleep now too!) and for him. He seems well rested and his development seems to be progressing faster now too. His language skills are flourishing since he is getting better rest.

Amanda C

★★★★★

4 years ago

We just wrapped up our second time working with Arlene, and had another great experience! Arlene helped us sleep train our first baby a few years ago when she was 4 months old at the time. She was a terrible sleeper, waking up once every hour and needing to be rocked to sleep for what felt like hours and hours each day. I was a stressed, exhausted, and worried first time mom, and I was drawn to Arlene’s calm and experienced approach. She gave us an option for a gentler strategy that worked for us at the time, and was detailed and responsive in her sleep plan and attentiveness. Our daughter just turned 2.5 years old and is still a great sleeper. So once our second baby turned 4 months recently, we did not hesitate to work with Arlene again. We now have two rockstar sleepers in our household, thanks to Arlene! It means the world to us that she was there to help guide us, instill confidence, and most importantly, help teach our children such a valuable skill they will undoubtedly benefit from for the rest of their lives.

Begoña Cirera

★★★★★

2 years ago

Arlene helped me first with my first son who was 2.5 year old when I hired her. He slept with me during breastfeeding. He never wanted to sleep in his crib. I was due with my second, and I needed better rest, and had no clue how to get him to sleep away from my bed. I even had to sleep w him during naps, or he wouldn’t sleep. I had to walk him for hours to fall asleep every night. It was awful. Two weeks after Arlene helped us create a program for him, he was done!!! He was sleeping in his own room, all night (12+ hours) and he was SO HAPPY during the day. We learned so much, and all made so much sense. After trying methods and books, nothing worked. My son is almost 6, and he falls asleep at 7:30pm every evening, until 7:00am. As a parent, you know how precious those hours are. With my second one, I didn’t make the mistake of waiting until he was two to train him to sleep. By 3 months, we slowly started, with Arlene’s help. I never had to walk him or be there for him to fall asleep. He’s now 3, and he is a great sleeper, much better than his big brother ever was, still takes 90-min naps, and sleeps 11 hours a night. Every penny I spent to hire Arlene’s expertise is worth it. My only regret was not to look for her sooner. Lifesaver, 100%.

Abbey Stidam

★★★★★

6 years ago

Arlene Fryling at Gentle Touch Sleep Time helped our son sleep, which helped us sleep! We were having trouble transitioning our son (4 months at the time) from his rock-n-play to the crib and our amazing sleeper since birth was all of a sudden not sleeping very much. Arlene talked with us about what was going on with his sleep and why the change in his sleep pattern. She answered all our questions and calmed our worries and frustrations. She came up with a sleep plan that worked for our family. She guided us every step of the way. He is now an amazing sleeper again! He is 18 months old and sleeps 12 hours at night and takes a 1 1/2 - 2 hour nap. He loves to sleep and never fights sleeping. I am so thankful we had Arlene Fryling help us and we were able to teach our son to sleep.